Four years lapsed between the last iconic debate and today. In the time, the pandemic was conquered and life moved on. It was finally determined that the world was indeed flat, and squarely flat in all its realms. A crisp rectangle that was made of two parts – the Eastern Square and the Western Square. Two almost perfect squares.
Each Square had its abundance of resources, culture and contexts. It finally came to the time to tame the final frontier – coronate the leader of the fully flat world!
The Western Square was led by their towering and forever charismatic beacon of a leader – Trump – who trumped all his practical and probable opponents. The other half, Eastern Square, had a formidable leader – RaGa – who was propelled to the pinnacle of leadership by sheer force of acuity and incessant perseverance.
The path to crown the winner of the final frontier was not going to be a coin toss, but a full-blown debate on worldly matters that mattered the most. The debate was orchestrated and moderated by Taylor Swift, a pan-world cultural and pop icon nonpareil.
We are now going to dive-in into the proceedings.
Swift:
Good evening. I’m Taylor Swift. I hope I don’t have to introduce myself and explain who I am. I welcome you to the final debate, a test to determine the next leader of the free flat world. We have Mr. Trump from Western Square facing off with Mr. RaGa from Eastern Square. Welcome, gentlemen.
This debate is sponsored by The Commission on Worldly Debates. The Commission has designed the format, and questions were picked randomly by me from a lot that had crowdsourced contributions from world citizens. I can assure you none of the questions were shared with the Commission or the two candidates.
We are now going to begin the debate with the first question pertaining to the most popular topic – Economy and Inflation. And there can be no bigger context front and center to it than food.
It’s an item that crawls into most breakfast tables. Spanning from east to west, and up north to south. There’s carbs, fats, vitamins, protein and fiber – all that’s needed to build, burn and sustain our anatomical composition. Be it a luxury or necessity, do you think the rising cost of Avocado Toast is to blame for inflation?
Mr. Trump, since you are the golden winner of the coin toss, you will go first followed by your opponent.
Trump:
Thank you. I’m going to skip all the customary pleasantries, as I don’t care and jump right into the question. Oh, avocado toast? Honestly, it doesn’t matter what you think. What matters is that I make the best avocado toast, hands down. People always ask me where I get it because mine is just better—way better. I don’t know how others survive without my taste, my style.
Coming to the crux of the question itself. Let me tell you something, that’s fake news. Total nonsense. Inflation? That’s because of weak leadership and not weak Avocado farmers. Look, when I was in charge, avocado prices were the best, the lowest. People are talking about it. Tremendous avocados, very big, very green. Now, the cost? It’s skyrocketing because of terrible deals and bad policies—nothing to do with avocado toast. And then the millions of migrants coming over, they are bringing bad, real bad Avocados, one in each hand and selling at high prices here. Very bad! Now we don’t know what is good and what is bad Avocado.
Frankly, if anyone can fix it, it’s me. I could bring the price of avocados down in one phone call. But they don’t want that, they don’t want success. Believe me, I know more about inflation and avocados than anyone. They should be thanking me for the avocados Igave them!
RaGa:
Thank you, Ms. Swift. The opening question itself is satiating the debate appetite.
Avocado toast… you see, it’s like… you know… the struggle of the farmer, the Indian farmer or the American farmer or a Mexican farmer. Some people think it’s a luxury, but actually, it’s about connection. Connection between bread and avocado, like the connection between the youth of world and, uh, the earth. Is it basic? Yes. Is it luxury? Also, yes. But the real question is, what is the idea of avocado toast? We must unite, toast and avocado together, to fight the divisiveness of hunger. You can’t eat an avocado alone, just like you can’t fight injustice alone… or maybe you can with butter. Now let me pivot to economy.
The marriage of Avocado toast and inflation… it’s like, you know, when you’re driving a bus but suddenly the bus becomes a bicycle. It’s confusing, right? That’s the economy right now. People are talking about avocado toast, but what about the farmers who grow the avocados? You can’t blame the toast for inflation. You have to ask, where is the butter in this whole situation? If the butter isn’t there, how can the toast even exist? They are spreading confusion like butter, and we are all just toast, trying to figure it out!
Swift:
When I read the question first, I was like hmm, sounds like pop star Chole is really ready to write her “Dear John” letter to brunch!
So, the next topic is interesting or oh well, mundane to some. There are yea-sayers with scientific backing and naysayers with philosophical basis. Regardless of which side of the table you are, climate change is a concern, correct? ….or not?
Trump:
I want to go first. Because I have the best idea, a fine idea that’s undeniable. I love the weather in south Florida and wish we were conducting this debate there. Anyway, the idea…We will install giant, really huge fans to blow away hurricanes.
Well, let me tell you, folks, this is a tremendous idea, okay? Just tremendous. I mean, giant fans, really! It’s not like saying we should use a hairdryer to dry up the ocean. Just think about it! We’d have these massive fans, the biggest fans, the best fans. People are talking about it. Again, It’d be not like trying to cool down a volcano with a tiny ice cube.
Let me tell you, folks, this is a YUGE idea, okay? Just absolutely fantastic. Giant fans to blow away hurricanes—nobody’s thought of this before, but it’s going to be huge, believe me! It’s like using a vacuum cleaner to suck up the ocean. Brilliant! The best idea anyone’s ever had.
Think about it. Hurricanes are these big, blustery bullies, right? And what do bullies hate more than anything? A good, strong wind in their face. A giant fan could be like the ultimate wind machine. It’s like sending a giant blast of air to tell them, ‘Hey, we’re not scared of you!’ It’s the best way to show them who’s boss.
Imagine a fan so big it’s like blowing on a dandelion and making the whole thing disappear. We’re talking about fans that could blow away anything—except, of course, our tremendous economy. You could have these fans on every coast. It’d be like turning the world into one giant air conditioner.
So, folks, let’s make it happen. Let’s build the biggest, the best fans ever. We’ll show these hurricanes we’re not messing around. It’ll be fabulous, just fabulous!
RaGa:
Well, you know, this idea of using giant fans to blow away hurricanes is, um, interesting, to say the least. I mean, it’s like trying to fix a leaky roof with a garden hose. Imagine that! It’s like saying we should use a huge hairdryer to dry up a lake. It’s just not practical, and it sounds a bit…well, imaginative.
Hurricanes are like these enormous, swirling whirlpools of chaos. And we’re talking about using fans as if we’re just going to blow them away like leaves in the wind. It’s a bit like trying to stop a speeding train with a feather—very creative, but not exactly effective. Or maybe it’s like trying to catch a thunderstorm with a fishing net. It sounds like a good idea in theory but, in practice, it’s going to leave us wet and confused.
Think about it. If we had giant fans big enough to do the job, we’d need a fan the size of, say, the entire Himalayas. And where would we even put it? On top of Mount Everest? Or maybe in the middle of the ocean? It’s like trying to use a giant sponge to soak up an entire ocean. It’s just not going to work, and we’d probably end up creating a hurricane of our own—an artificial hurricane, if you will! We need to focus on real solutions, not giant fans. Let’s leave the hurricanes to nature and work on strategies that actually make sense!
Swift:
So, our next area of discussion is about energy and the independence to source it. Should we train squirrels to generate electricity by running on tiny treadmills? Mr. Trump, we will have RaGa go first on this, please.
RaGa:
I’m going to try to keep it short and sweet. You see….if tiny squirrels could build a magnificent bridge across a channel of ocean in our mythology. I’m confident they can build electricity for us in the modern world. Are we restricted to only treadmills, or can we commission Pelotons too? Let’s just say, if we ever need a squirrel energy commission, I’ll be the first to sign up!
Trump:
What a tiny solution for a giant problem! Folks, they have completely lost it. Tiny squirrels aren’t even worthy of my time. I will have my Secretary of Squirrels Management to advise. Next question, please.
Swift:
Over to the next topic and question, one that is swaying the masses.
We have over 8 billion people in the world and each with an abundance of unparalleled natural intelligence. Yet we collectively yielded to spawn an entity called Artificial Intelligence or AI as it’s dearly called. What is your position on AI – if it is just a sophisticated experiment of a simulation or can AI truly experience human-like consciousness?
Mr. Trump, you will go first and followed by Mr. RaGa.
Trump:
I must say you couldn’t have picked a more relevant topic. Perhaps the millions of migrants barging in across the four edges of our beautiful flat world voted for the question. Perhaps because, all of them, each and every one of them breaking the border barrier, lacks fine natural intelligence.
AI and consciousness? Look, nobody knows more about AI than me, OK? I’ve dealt with the best tech people, tremendous people. Some people say AI can’t experience consciousness—wrong! I’ve seen AI, I’ve talked to AI, I’ve touched and felt AI and let me tell you, it’s smart, very smart, maybe smarter than some of the people running the world right now, believe me. But consciousness? Look, I’m the only one who can truly understand consciousness. I have the best consciousness. AI? It’s like the fake news—looks real, but it’s not the real thing. If AI could think, it’d probably think I’m great, the best, because, frankly, who wouldn’t?
When I win, which I know I will, and on coronation day, I’m going to add a new title to the leader of the free and flat world. Chief Consciousness Officer, World Inc, just because under my watch we Made the World Conscious Again!
RaGa:
AI and consciousness…I think is like a hand in a cricket batting glove question. Can AI experience consciousness? Well, first we have to ask: what is consciousness? Is it like when you’re meditating and suddenly remember you left your wallet at home? Or is it more like when you see a cloud and think, ‘That looks like a cow,’ but then you realize it’s not? AI is like that cloud—it might look like it knows, but does it really know? Or is it just pretending, like some politicians? We must explore these deep, important questions before we can judge AI and its capabilities. Since I mentioned…do you think AI make better politicians? You know, AI is like trying to cook roti, an Indian bread, with a computer—it might know the recipe, but can it feel the dough? Politics is about people, emotions, and sometimes forgetting what you were about to say but connecting in that moment. If we let AI run things, maybe the trains would be on time, but who would appreciate the beauty of a delayed journey? AI might solve problems we didn’t know we had, but it might also try to teach an alligator how to climb a tree. So, while AI is intelligent, can it wear a suit and truly understand the heart of the people? It’s a bit like expecting a robot to enjoy a good mango—possible, but what happens to the seed? You see what I mean!
Swift:
Thank you, gentlemen. When I saw the question, I first exclaimed, like Wow! Now it sounds like both answers are kind of like a celebrity dating life—lots of questions, some confusion, and probably more layers than anyone expected. But hey, whether AI is conscious or just faking it, at hope it’s not ghosting us, right?
Swift:
Choice! It is the topic for our next question. I’ll bet a lot of thought and emotions have gone into crafting this specific question. It’s a point of reflection that each of us might have faced every morning. So, without further ado let me present the question. Toilet paper hang over or under the roll, what would be your choice and why?
RaGa:
Ah, yes, the eternal debate of the toilet paper roll. You know, it’s not an issue of just the roll. It’s about our values, our principles. Over or under, it’s a reflection of who we are as a society.
From a historical perspective, which is, of course, very important, we see that civilizations throughout the ages have grappled with similar issues. The ancient Greeks, the Romans, they had their ways of doing things. They might have used different materials, but the essence of the debate remains the same.
Now, if we consider the ‘over’ approach, it’s like an upward motion, an aspiration towards progress, a forward-looking path. It’s about breaking barriers, reaching new heights. On the other hand, the ‘under’ method, well, it’s more about introspection, looking inward, reflecting on our past. It’s like going back to our roots, understanding where we come from.
But, let’s not forget the practicalities. You see, when you hang it over, it’s easier to access. It speaks of clarity in abundance. It’s like having a clear vision, a direct path. When it’s under, it screams complexity, it’s like dealing with challenges that make us stronger. When you are late to an important meeting, you know exactly why!
So, really, what we need is a balanced approach, one that integrates the best of both worlds. We need to take all perspectives into account, engage in a dialogue, perhaps even a committee, to study this deeply. Because in the end, it’s not just about how we hang the roll, it’s about how we come together as a community to solve the roll problem.
Trump:
Well, let me tell you, folks, this is a tremendous question. Tremendous! And I have to say, a lot of people, really smart people, they’ve been talking about this. They’ve been asking me, ‘Donald, what do you think about the toilet paper situation?’ And let me tell you, it’s very important. Very important.
Some people, they like it over the roll. They say it’s more convenient. More stylish, really. It’s a very classy way to do it. And I agree, I think it’s great. It’s the best way. But then you have the others, and they say under the roll. Can you believe it? Under! They think it’s, I don’t know, maybe it’s more conservative or something. More traditional. But you know what? I’ve looked at it. I’ve seen it all. And let me tell you, folks, I think we should be looking at new options. New possibilities. Maybe, just maybe, we could have a roll that spins both ways. Why not? The best, most beautiful roll, just tremendous! But hey…Over is ok. Under is just fine too. But never one that rolls to the left. I don’t like anything that orients to left. And…and. When I’m coronated, my first Executive Order will be to have toilet paper only on right side of the toilet. If you have it on left side, you pay 100% tariff.
Swift:
Hope my properties management company is listening. I might know my net worth, but I have no idea of the number of properties I own, let alone the toilets in them. Nevertheless hey, if we end up with a double-spinning roll, who knows? It might just be the next big thing!
We are now in the last mile, final stretch and one last question. It is a bit philosophical, a lot personal, and a whole lot humane. So gentlemen, cats or dogs?
RaGa:
Well, you see, cats are interesting and quite remarkable. They’re akin to enigmatic poets of the pet world— mysterious, aloof, and, well, they keep you guessing. It’s like having a little philosopher in your home who only occasionally decides to grace you with their presence. Dogs are great, sure, but cats, they’re like introverts who know how to, let’s say, appreciate the subtle nuances of life. It’s like having your own personal riddle beautifully wrapped in fur. Cats, they’re just, um, very…intriguing!
Trump:
Well, folks, here’s the ivy league of questions, it’s a huge debate. But let’s be honest, dogs are like the best employees, loyal, hardworking, always excited to see you. They’re like the top-level CEOs of Pets Inc., just tremendous. Cats? They’re like the mysterious and detached employees who show up only when they want to, like a diva CEO who thinks they’re too good for the office. Dogs are loyal, cats are…well, they’re cats. Simple as that. Dogs all the way, folks, big league!”
Swift:
Cats it is, for me. Yayyy!
Gentlemen, so that’s it. We have come to an exciting session of debating on pressing issues. While we wait to hear the verdict, please feel to roll your final pitch, if any. You may roll up, down or sideways.
RaGa:
While Mr. Trump is catching his breath from the last sprint, let me go first.
Thank you for this opportunity. First of all, let me say that the idea of a flat world is… interesting, to say the least. It’s not just a flat world; it’s a flat, flat world. And I’m here to talk about how we can navigate this flatness, not just with our feet but with our minds, our hearts, and—dare I say—our entire souls.
Now, you might ask, ‘how do you lead a flat world when it’s all, well, flat?’ And that’s a very good question. In fact, it’s a question I’ve asked myself while pondering the mysteries of flatness. You see, flatness isn’t just a physical state; it’s a metaphor for… something. We have to understand that a flat world presents challenges that are both visible and invisible. It’s not just about avoiding bumps in the road, because there are no bumps. There’s a flatness so profound that it might actually make us rethink the very concept of bumps.
What does that mean for our vision, our dreams? If the horizon is flat, are our dreams also flat? And if our dreams are flat, are we not also flat? It’s a profound conundrum, really. But don’t worry—my team and I have been working tirelessly to address these deep, existential questions.
Now, if you think about it, Trump’s idea of making things ‘great again’ in a flat world is, well, it’s a bit like trying to put a point on a circle.
And so, I propose a new direction. Let’s think of flatness not as a limitation but as an opportunity. An opportunity to explore new forms of governance, new ways of thinking, and new types of leadership. A flat world requires a leader who doesn’t just see flatness but sees beyond it.
Trump:
Let me tell you… I’ve been all around the best flat worlds—people say so. Tremendous, fantastic flat worlds, the best, just incredible. And now, they’re saying, ‘Donald, we need you to lead this flat world, make it great again!’ And I say, ‘Absolutely!’
Look, you know how in flat worlds, everything is flat, right? Very flat. But not just any flat—it’s the greatest flat. And I know how to handle flatness. I’ve dealt with the flattest, the most tremendous surfaces. My buildings? Very flat. The best flat buildings. So you know I can handle a whole world of flatness. The best flat handling, folks.
We’re going to have the best roads, the flattest roads. And we’re going to build great, big, beautiful cities—cities like you’ve never seen. Huge. Tremendous cities, with towers so high, they’ll make the flat look vertical. Believe me!
And the weather? We’ll have the best weather. The flattest weather. No mountains to block the view, just pure, beautiful flat sky. So much flatness. People will love it. They’ll say, ‘Donald, you’ve made the best flat world, better than anyone ever could!’ So let’s make the world greatly flat again!
Swift:
Alright…we have the verdict. Thank you for the quick feedback from all over the world. Since the world is flat, the process of arriving at verdict and communicating it was superfast.
So gentlemen, the verdict is…we have a winner. Not one but two. Yes, it’s square and fair TIE. They ran it to the 10th decimal point, and it was still a tie.
There will be a coronation, not of one but two leaders of the free flat world. Jan through June will be Mr. Trump spearheading the flat world. And July through December, it would be Mr. RaGa.
So long…and goodbye!
*** THE END ***